Friday, September 16, 2011

Cruise Lines and Cooler Weather

So on Wed, I auditioned for Stiletto entertainment. They do the casting for Holland America. Cruise Lines are always interesting. At Royal Carribean, they weed out the special ones early on. Here, they just go full throttle and see the people who hold on. Things to expect at cruise line auditions:
1. Interesting ways to show skin- creative sluttiness. One girl was totally wearing a hot pink monkini with bootie shorts. Another took away all pretense of looking like she was wearing clothes and simply wore a bright yellow bra with her bright blue bootie shorts. Hint ladies, if you decide real bra and bootie shorts are the way to, make sure it's a nice bra, and that it fits right. Her's looked both cheap and not properly fitted. You're not fooling anyone by adding underwire. You're still flat chested. Instead, get a nice push bra, in the right size, in a color/print/lace that looks good on you and that could be a swimsuit top. You look less like you are wearing you're Victoria's Secret Pink bra as a top.
2. Tans- Something I will never have. It's this healthy cruise line, outdoorsy thing. I belong to the Zeigfeld Follies days. My height was tall and ideal then (Thank you teeny Anna Held). Trim girls but still with a little curve. Big downturned eyes. Bee stung lips. Short hair. Those were my people. Cruise lines like tall (5'7'' and up sort of tall) and tan. One woman came in. She hit both tans and creative sluttiness. She was tan the point of being orange. Plus she was probably in her mid thirties, which made her old in the room full of young 'uns. She was wearing white linen shorts that hitched up funny with a belt so they were a "v". Her white canvas tie top didn't cover much of her midriff and was sheer enough to see her hot pink bra underneath. (Admittedly, it was a better bra than yellow bra girl's.) Gold stiletto sandals (probably about 5 inches with the platform on them) with sparkly beige leg warmers rolled down around them. And she warmed up in all this right in front of me. I refrained from filming it as surreptitiously as possible with my tablet. (The thunk of her shows hitting the floor as she did the splits would have made awesome home video.) I was so tempted. It's a little sad, but no matter what there will always be someone at an audition that it is stare inducing crazy. As my mother says "Save it for your book!" or in this case, for my blog.
3. Lobster Claws- It's a dance team thing! There is a prevailing trend among dance teams and competition kids to dance with one's hand as if they are lobster claws or like you are wearing oven mitts. I don't know if it makes one feel aerodynamic or like they are under the sea. (Darling, it's better down where it's wetter.) Personally, it makes me feel like a dollar store barbie with misformed hands. These tend to be more prevalent in cruise line land then they are in musical theatre land.
4. Perky, short, female choreographers- They also generally have short hair and loud voices. They make me feel tall and sloth like. Which is hard to do.
5. Way more women than men- I'm not sure why, but you always have tons of chicks and a couple of guys. Yet another time when I almost wish I was a dude. (Then I think about it, and thank God I'm a woman!)
6. Cheesy music- You're appealing to drunk tourists. So imagine middle aged white people's choice of drunken dancing music, cheese it up, and you're halfway there!Yeah.
All these things were there. The choreo was fast, cheesey, and what they teach at every audition. So most of the crew auditioning had done it before. Not me! I Smooth Criminaled my best, and I picked it up. We not only did kicks, but we also did fouettes. I felt like I was selling my soul to dance team land, but I smiled real big! I don't expect to be put on their hire list, but every time I go learn new choreo, it is helping me for future auditions. Plus it's like free class on crack. And class is pricey, but I love going! So it wasn't a complete loss. I learned something new and was entertained by crazy people. (By the way, classy stiletto women couldn't get through the choreo and left. Which made me a little sad)
The temperature dropped randomly yesterday afternoon. Somewhere, someone decided it was time for fall. No more summer. It's beautiful outside and the park down my street is totally calling my name. (And my cold is gone!)
Tom- 9 to 5 for the Fireside Theatre in Wisconsin. Who's curling their hair at an absurdly early hour on a Sat? I am!

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